5 Mistaken Belief about Self-Compassion that You Need to Ditch
So what’s self-compassion?
Here’s a hint:
It’s not self-pity.
It’s not narcissistic.
It’s not selfish.
It’s not weak.
It’s not complacent.
5 Mistaken Beliefs about Self-Compassion that You Need to Ditch
Today’s podcast is all about breaking down the misconceptions of what self-compassion is.
Mistaken Belief #1: Self-Pity
Self-compassion is not self-pity.
Instead, you have the tools to process the bad stuff, accept the negative feelings, and then let them go.
Mistaken Belief #2: Vanity and Narcissism
Self-compassion is not a symptom of vanity or narcissism.
Self-Compassion vs. Self-Esteem – no self-judgment vs. self-evaluation
Self-compassion is about accepting ourselves as imperfect humans while self-esteem is one giant comparison trap.
Mistaken Belief #3: Selfishness
Self-compassion is not selfish.
We feel more supported and nurtured and better equipped to focus on other people’s emotional needs when we practice self-compassion.
Mistaken Belief #4: Weakness
Being more self-compassionate toward yourself is not a sign of weakness either. Instead, it’s a sign of strength and resilience.
Mistaken Belief #5: Lack of Motivation
Finally, self-compassion does not lead to a lack of motivation.
Writer Kelly McGonigal notes, “Self-compassion – being supportive and kind to yourself, especially in the face of stress and failure – is associated with more motivation and better self-control.”
If you practice self-compassion when you fail to live up to your own set of exacting standards, you are less likely to fall prey to the defeatism and shame that often come with these failures.
Conclusion
When we practice self-compassion during our own suffering, we are able to navigate the world with a much more open heart and increased capacity for love, wisdom, courage, and generosity.
Next Week Sneak Peek
How to build a self-compassionate morning routine
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Episode 3: 5 Mistaken Beliefs about Self-Compassion that You Need to Ditch Transcript
Sarah McLain: So what’s self-compassion?
Here’s a hint:
It’s not self-pity.
It’s not narcissistic.
It’s not selfish.
It’s not weak.
It’s not complacent.
Let’s talk about how self-compassion is different from what you might have once thought self-compassion is.
This episode is sponsored by the Imperfectly Perfect 5 Day Self-Compassion Challenge, where you can discover self-compassion strategies that you can implement in less than 20 minutes a day. Find out more information at https://www.inspiringselfcompassion.com/challenge.
Are you sick and tired of all the negative self-criticism that creeps into your brain at the worst possible time?
Stop me if you’ve ever said or thought this before . . . “I’m not good enough. I’m going to be a failure. This has to be perfect.”
All you really want is a proven way to quiet that tiny little voice so you can move forward in your business – easier said than done, right?
Research has shown that there is one particular mindset shift that overcomes perfectionism, fear, failure, an imposter syndrome while increasing personal motivation, positivity and overall growth.
I’m speaking of the unlimited power of self-compassion when it comes to your mindset and your self-confidence in your entrepreneurial path.
This is Inspiring Self-Compassion with Sarah McLain.
Let’s get into how self-compassion can change your life and your business.
Hi, and welcome to this week’s episode of Inspiring Self-Compassion.
I’m Sarah McLain, and self-compassion is absolutely my jam.
You can find the show notes and links to the resources for this episode at https://www.inspiringselfcompassion.com/episode3.
Today’s podcast is all about breaking down the misconceptions of what self-compassion is.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you were expected to give and give and give with very little return? Where you handled the brunt of the emotional support and never felt like you could ask for emotional support in return?
As I’ve gone further down my self-compassion path, I’ve become more attuned to the emotional dynamics of my relationships and a lot quicker to escape relationships where the dynamic is so one-sided that my own wellbeing always plays second fiddle.
Yet when faced with these kinds of relationships and the breaks that occur as a result, it can feel like we’re being self-centered. Instead, self-compassion rewrites the narrative – it’s not centering ourselves over everyone else – it’s being kinder to ourselves and recognizing our own suffering and pain in a moment when our relationship needs aren’t being met. It’s about recognizing that our own needs and problems are just as important as other people’s.
So while self-compassion is not self-centered, it’s also not a lot of other things.
1. Self-Pity
Self-compassion is not self-pity. Instead, it’s a remedy for self-pity and sinking into a deep, dark space where you feel like it’s you against the world.
Self-compassion gives you the tools to process the bad stuff with comforting words and kindness. By looking at these events with self-compassion, you are able to put those negative feelings in context, accept them, and then let them go.
This self-compassionate mindset can also help you manage your mental health because you’re less likely to lose yourself in the bad feelings and believe that you have no way out.
2. Vanity and Narcissism
Self-compassion is not a symptom of vanity or narcissism. Although Western culture equates being exceptional and special as high self-esteem, the truth is we’re all average in most aspects of our life, a fact that self-compassion emphasizes.
The biggest difference between having self-esteem and having self-compassion comes down to the concept of judgment. Self-esteem is linked to positive and negative evaluations of ourselves whereas self-compassion is not about any kind of judgment at all.
Self-compassion is about accepting ourselves as imperfect humans while self-esteem is one giant comparison trap.
Self-compassion is also a lot more stable and supportive than self-esteem because it’s available at all times. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is much more prone to going up and down based on our successes and our failures.
In fact research has shown that people with self-compassionate mindsets have very similar emotional reactions to positive and negative feedback. For self-compassionate people, positive or negative feedback does not affect their sense of self because they are fully aware of their flaws and good qualities.
The opposite is true for people with higher levels of self-esteem as they generally react negatively to any feedback that isn’t positive. They welcome the positive and blame the negative on external factors.
3. Selfishness
The other big objection people have to self-compassion is that they think it is selfish. In the same way that self-care often gets conflated with selfishness, taking care of ourselves seems to get in the way of all the other caretaking that we are expected to do as women.
However, the truth is that focusing on ourselves for moments of compassion is not very different from the moments where our inner critics are weighing us down. In fact, these moments of self-criticism are often me-focused and unproductive. When you’re stuck in the moment of self-criticism, you have much less bandwidth to give to other people.
On the other hand, when we give ourselves compassion, we feel more supported and nurtured and better equipped to focus on other people’s emotional needs.
Self-compassion also helps us to be better friends, partners, parents, and pet owners precisely because we rely on ourselves for emotional support and can care for the important people in our life with the care and love that has been refreshed by our self-compassion.
Self-compassion creates a protective shield between our feelings and the suffering of others, allowing us to still feel empathy and transmit that empathy without losing ourselves in their suffering. This means we are less likely to burn out and more likely to be energized by the work we’re doing when self-compassion is our first response and priority in difficult situations.
4. Weakness
Being more self-compassionate toward yourself is not a sign of weakness either. Instead, it’s a sign of strength and resilience that allows you to bounce back more quickly from setbacks whether they’re related to your personal relationships, your career, or your health.
Recent research has shown that people who relate to themselves as allies rather than enemies are much more likely to have the ability to cope with sudden and unexpected changes.
5. Lack of Motivation
Finally, self-compassion does not lead to a lack of motivation contrary to popular belief.
Writer Kelly McGonigal notes, “Self-compassion – being supportive and kind to yourself, especially in the face of stress and failure – is associated with more motivation and better self-control.”
If you practice self-compassion when you fail to live up to your own set of exacting standards, you are less likely to fall prey to the defeatism and shame that often come with these failures.
Instead, you can face your momentary failure with a honest look at your progress, sympathy for your feelings, and encouragement to move forward. This trifecta creates motivation and a commitment to not repeating the actions again, increasing your personal accountability.
I participate in a weekly accountability group where we review the past week’s 3 goals with an eye toward how we can be better and then set 3 goals for the coming week. Sometimes, the goals are met and sometimes they’re not, but as a group, we’re committed to working on how we talk about whether we completed our goals. Rather than saying, “I didn’t get anything accomplished” or “I only completed one of my goals,” it’s far more important to recognize that we made progress and that life doesn’t always let us plan out our time perfectly.
Conclusion
When we practice self-compassion during our own suffering, we are able to navigate the world with a much more open heart and increased capacity for love, wisdom, courage, and generosity This is why it is so important for us to work on developing a self-compassion practice. It may help our own wellbeing, but it also helps us keep better mental health, stronger in the face of adversity, more motivated after setbacks, more accepting of our flaws, and more empathetic and available.
Throughout this episode, I’ve described the five major erroneous beliefs about self-compassion and illustrated why they are different from what you might expect. You can find the show notes at https://inspiringselfcompassion.com/episode3. As you can tell from these common misconceptions, it’s easy to see why self-compassion is so often confused for other things.
If you want to get a deeper understanding of how to practice self-compassion, you can sign up for the Imperfectly Perfect 5 Day challenge at https://www.inspiringselfcompassion.com/challenge.
Next Tuesday, I’ll pop into your podcast player with how to build a self-compassionate morning routine.
That wraps it up for today’s self-compassion podcast. Thank you for listening, and I’d love for you to subscribe in your podcast player so you don’t miss any Tuesday self-compassion strategy tips.
Now that you’ve learned something new, it’s time to go out and practice self-compassion so that you can grow your business. Have a lovely week!
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